“Seinfeld” Solutions — How to Handle an Office Romance by Robb Kuczynski

Office politics are tricky. Try too hard, and you come off as a cocky. Try to little, and you risk being labeled lazy by peers, and worse, bosses. Indeed, probably the only thing more difficult than navigating office relationships is dating.

But what happens when combine work and dating?

“Seinfeld” has a solution for that.

George

“The Stranded” presents a difficult dilemma. George attends a party with a co-worker, who begins to show affection. Things escalate and the co-worker demands George to make love to her.

Uh oh. Do you show restraint or do you enter the bear pit that is office romance? Well, if you’re George, the answer is simple: you enter the bear pit.

Fast forward a few days and George is a neurotic mess. Unable to focus on work, he spends all day writing so that he has something to say as he passes his co-worker in the hall. Every encounter is like a date and George cracks under the pressure.

George’s most famous office romance, though, is with Evie, Pendant Publishing’s cleaning woman.

In “The Red Dot” Elaine graciously gets George a job at her company. George repays the favor by promptly sleeping with the cleaning lady, Evie, on his desk.

So how does George attempt to avoid humiliation and termination? He offers Evie a stained Cashmere sweater in exchange for her silence.

Evie rejects the “gift” and talks, forcing George to explain his actions to his boss.

Does George fess up? Of course not. He pleads ignorance.

Finally, in “The Secretary”, George climbs the corporate ladder enough to warrant an assistant. He initially goes the smart route and hires the ugliest candidate in order to avoid any chance of office romance.

Of course, this is George we’re talking about. He gives into temptation and sleeps with the secretary in his office.

After his bribe to Evie failed miserably, you would think George would try something different with his secretary.

Nope. In the middle of the passion, he yells out “I’m giving you a raise!”

So, if you’re George, the solution to mixing work and dating seems to be to pay the woman off for her silence. If that doesn’t work, plead ignorance.

Elaine

George is not the only “Seinfeld” character to nibble on a love newton at work. At an office party, Elaine makes out with a co-worker like their plane is going down.

Afterwards, Elaine worries she’s become the office skank.

The solution? Tell everyone you’re dating, thus making the incident a beautiful moment between two lovers.

If you follow this approach, make sure your fake significant other isn’t addicted to drugs.

Otherwise, your boss may force you to help him or her get off the yam yam cold turkey.